Lost and Found: My Golden Dream

 With mixed emotions, I have published a new (well, not so new) book. You see, I wrote Golden Dreams ten years ago.  Back then, I had a laptop that I could take anywhere to write.  I could even write while on vacations with our three sons.  At the time, our oldest had moved back to Texas and our middle son stayed home to attend community college, while our youngest was just graduating from high school.  By the time Brian went off to college, I had finished the book.  

One day, I opened the book’s file on my laptop to check something, and then closed it again.  The word processing program asked if I wanted to save the changes.  Since I hadn’t changed anything, I clicked ‘no.’   So, the computer completely wiped the file away!  

I was devastated.  I went to my old desk top and saved it on several floppy disks because its CD drive had cratered, but this was the original file without any updates. I put the files onto our new desk top and started all over.  When it was finished, I saved it on a CD.  Then I started sending it electrically to agents and publishers.   

By then, Brian was in college.  He would come home and ask if I had heard anything about the book being published.  You see, he was my biggest fan, and he encouraged me every time I got a rejection letter.

In 2005, after his first semester in college, he came home for the Christmas holidays.  I told him the good news that I had found an agent who would represent Golden Dreams.  He was so proud of me.  He said, 

 “See Mom, I knew it would happen!”

He spent the night at a friend’s house that weekend.  But there was a tragic fire and he was killed along with two other sweet young men.  My whole world shattered that day.  I couldn’t write anymore, I couldn’t walk by his room and see his things still where he’d left them.  So, we sold the house and moved away.  We put most of our things in storage, including the desk top computer and all of the CDs that went with it, along with the Golden Dreams file.

Five years later, the agent suggested that I try to self-publish the book because none of the publishers had wanted it.  By then, we’d gotten a new laptop.  Although I was still grieving, I thought that I should try to publish the book, for Brian’s sake.  I searched boxes and boxes of things in storage but could not find the file.  I brought the desk top home and it crashed on me.  

So, Golden Dreams was lost again.  I could not even find the email where I had sent it to my agent.  I considered this a sign that it just wasn’t meant to be published.  I had been writing other novels and short stories in the meantime, so, I self-published them.  I have several titles available.  You can find them by clicking the tabs above or the book covers to the left.

When Hurricane Sandy hit, our storage unit was flooded and we lost most everything.  When we were going through it, I found the box of CDs, which had not been ruined.  Inside was the Golden Dreams CD.  But, I was still in agony over losing Brian and I just couldn’t open the file.  So, I tucked it into a drawer and forgot about it.

In May of this year, I was cleaning out the closet and I found the CD again.  Brian’s voice echoed in my heart and I knew that it was time to open the file and read the book.  After editing it, I finally got it to where I wanted it.

Now, I’m finding the courage to share it with my friends.  I hope that you enjoy the book, for my heart and soul went into it.  I can still hear Brian saying, “See, Mom. I knew it would happen!”

Read the book on
Amazon 
Page Foundry
Barnes & Noble

Read my tribute to Brian HERE 

A Whisper So Loud

In honor of Earth Day, I wrote this poem. With the photographs and nature sounds, the impact is much more poignant. I delayed launching the video because EVERY day should be Earth Day.

Images courtesy of http://www.public-domain-image.com

Melanoma Photo By Ed Uthman @ http://stockpholio.com    and http://www.dreamstime.com/free-photos#res3186598  

Sounds provided by http://naturesoundsfor.me

THE best place to find nature sounds to soothe the soul. There is an equalizer where you can switch sounds and music around to customize it so that you can listen to it while getting your Zen on. 

Rendezvous

© Brianna Lee McKenzie 2014

She held me today. She caressed my back as she opened me up and unveiled my innermost thoughts. Her eyes filled with passion as they danced adoringly over me, drinking in the very essence of my soul.

She gave me her full attention. Not like normal, when she concentrates on her husband, or her kids or that dog.  

No, today was different with her. She laid on the sofa with me, a crackling fire kept time with the soft music while a soothing glass of wine relaxed her tense muscles.  As the gentle melody surrounded us, we journeyed to where she had never been before. Exhilaration was the catalyst for an inspiring experience that she would never forget.

It had been a long time since we’d been together and it was just like the first time. As the evening progressed, we explored emotions and sensations that we had never felt before. To my utter satisfaction, she was mesmerized by the intensity of our encounter.  The excitement of our journey was like an ascent into the rapture of ardent pleasure, which propelled us higher and higher until our ultimate reward was realized.

Suddenly, a tear made a shallow river down her flushed cheek and she pulled away, but only for a moment.  Then, a languid sigh escaped her pouting lips and she stared at me with more love than I had ever known.  Finally, a satisfied smile crept across her face and she held me lovingly to her breast.  She murmured the words that I had wanted to hear with every fiber of my soul.

“That was the best,” she whispered through tears of elation. “That was the best book I’ve read in years!”  

Write Me a Miracle

 I’ve written a short story about miracles and things that only God has the power over. And yet, as an author, I have a power that few mortals possess. In my imaginary world, I can create characters, make them fall in love, fall out of love, come to some disastrous end or I can bless them with a miracle that will change their fictional lives.
 In my latest short story, I have created a child that possesses the power to perform miracles. It is a controversial concept, I know, but it is one that, in my humble opinion, needs to be written, to be read and to be believed.
 Why can’t mortals make miracles happen, I ask myself? And then, I look at my children and I realize that I was a part of their creation, the miracle of their births, the miracle of their lives and the miracle of their legacies. I am Mother, Healer of booboos and broken hearts, Mind reader and Finder of all things lost. I, a lesser being, a mere mortal, am a miracle worker. I had the power to mold my children into decent adults, a feat that most parents endeavor to accomplish.
 So, why can’t a child, one of God’s blessed babies, be a conduit to His great works? This is the theme to my short story, which I have named “Grace of God”. Why can’t Grace be a miracle worker at the tender age of five? She won’t understand her power and yet, deep in her tiny heart, she knows that she is connected with a higher being, an entity that controls her life and those around her. How will Grace confront, or accept, her newly found ability? How will she, at that young age, realize that she has the power to heal, to change lives, to transform the world? These are questions that I had to ask myself and then answer with a riveting, heart-warming story that will transform my readers’ lives. I have the power to create a world that not only affects my fictional characters, but one that will essentially affect those who step into the realm of my creation. I invite you to enter into a world that I have manifested, the world of my progeny, “Grace of God”. Her world will be transformed…and, I promise you, so will yours. Read the short story HERE for US or Here for UK

Becoming Brianna

As I hold the paperback copy of Enchanted Heart in my hands, I realize that this is a bittersweet time for me.  I am so happy that I have finally accomplished my dream of being published (and in print). But at the same time, I am sad that my son Brian is not here to celebrate with me.

You see, he was my biggest fan.  When he was nine years old, he sketched the cover picture to the novel that I had been working on.  I still have that novel tucked away in a box with his drawing proudly displayed on the top.  I’ll probably never publish the book that I had had titled Return to Paradise. It is too precious to me. It was his and mine and I am not ready to share it.

When I was sending out endless copies of my work to publishers, agents and other media, he would ask me “Are you in print yet?”  He would hurry to the mailbox to see if I had gotten an acceptance letter every day after school.  And when he would see that I had gotten another rejection letter, he would say, “Don’t give up, Mom. It will happen.”

After he graduated from high school and started college, I sent Golden Dreams to an agent and he would come home for the weekend and ask, “Any news?” I’d have to say,”No.”  And he would repeat his mantra, “Don’t give up, Mom. It will happen.”

In November of 2005, I signed with an agent who promised that my book would sell quickly. I was so excited to tell him when he came home from college for Christmas in his freshman year.  He gave me the biggest hug. I can still see the proud smile on his face.

 

Unfortunately, he was killed in a horrific house fire just a few days before Christmas.  He had gone to a friend’s house to spend the night along with some other boys.  The fire started while they were sleeping and Brian died along with two other beautiful and passionate young men. It was such a hard time for me.  And as the years crept by, the pain was only lessened by my undying love for my son and the knowledge that he is watching me with that huge proud smile of his and whispering in my ear, “See, Mom? I knew it would happen!” I just wish that I could hear his living voice saying those very words…

This is why I have taken his name. I will be forever Brianna in honor of him. His name will be on every story that I write and every poem that I pen.  

Now, as I hold the paperback copy of Enchanted Heart, I see his name (my name) and I cry with both joy and sorrow.  I thumb through the printed words and whisper to him, “We did it!” As I cradle the book in my arms, I say, “I never gave up!” And with a heavy heart, I utter, “I wish you were here to see it.”

But, he is, I tell myself.  He is in my heart and his memory influences so many things in my life.  My drive to succeed is purely due to his encouraging words, which meander in my mind like breaths of blessed inspiration.  I still won’t give up even though I finally have a book in print.  I won’t give up chasing a dream that is beyond a loving child’s hopes for his mother to succeed.  Now, my dream is immortality.  I want his name, even though it is the female version, to live forever.