Monday, September 1, 2014

Lost and Found: My Golden Dream

 With mixed emotions, I have published a new (well, not so new) book. You see, I wrote Golden Dreams ten years ago.  Back then, I had a laptop that I could take anywhere to write.  I could even write while on vacations with our three sons.  At the time, our oldest had moved back to Texas and our middle son stayed home to attend community college, while our youngest was just graduating from high school.  By the time Brian went off to college, I had finished the book.  

One day, I opened the book’s file on my laptop to check something, and then closed it again.  The word processing program asked if I wanted to save the changes.  Since I hadn’t changed anything, I clicked ‘no.’   So, the computer completely wiped the file away!  

I was devastated.  I went to my old desk top and saved it on several floppy disks because its CD drive had cratered, but this was the original file without any updates. I put the files onto our new desk top and started all over.  When it was finished, I saved it on a CD.  Then I started sending it electrically to agents and publishers.   

By then, Brian was in college.  He would come home and ask if I had heard anything about the book being published.  You see, he was my biggest fan, and he encouraged me every time I got a rejection letter.
In 2005, after his first semester in college, he came home for the Christmas holidays.  I told him the good news that I had found an agent who would represent Golden Dreams.  He was so proud of me.  He said, 
 “See Mom, I knew it would happen!”

He spent the night at a friend’s house that weekend.  But there was a tragic fire and he was killed along with two other sweet young men.  My whole world shattered that day.  I couldn’t write anymore, I couldn’t walk by his room and see his things still where he’d left them.  So, we sold the house and moved away.  We put most of our things in storage, including the desk top computer and all of the CDs that went with it, along with the Golden Dreams file.

Five years later, the agent suggested that I try to self-publish the book because none of the publishers had wanted it.  By then, we’d gotten a new laptop.  Although I was still grieving, I thought that I should try to publish the book, for Brian’s sake.  I searched boxes and boxes of things in storage but could not find the file.  I brought the desk top home and it crashed on me.  

So, Golden Dreams was lost again.  I could not even find the email where I had sent it to my agent.  I considered this a sign that it just wasn’t meant to be published.  I had been writing other novels and short stories in the meantime, so, I self-published them.  I have several titles available.  You can find them by clicking the tabs above or the book covers to the left.

When Hurricane Sandy hit, our storage unit was flooded and we lost most everything.  When we were going through it, I found the box of CDs, which had not been ruined.  Inside was the Golden Dreams CD.  But, I was still in agony over losing Brian and I just couldn’t open the file.  So, I tucked it into a drawer and forgot about it.

In May of this year, I was cleaning out the closet and I found the CD again.  Brian’s voice echoed in my heart and I knew that it was time to open the file and read the book.  After editing it, I finally got it to where I wanted it.

Now, I’m finding the courage to share it with my friends.  I hope that you enjoy the book, for my heart and soul went into it.  I can still hear Brian saying, “See, Mom. I knew it would happen!”

Read my tribute to Brian HERE 


  1. My heart goes out to you. I also lost my son suddenly and unexpectedly, and I know how it can turn your life upside down. I'm glad after all this time you found your book.

  2. What a tragic sudden loss of your son. My brother's name is Brian. I have to read his tribute and take a look at your books.

  3. Thank you so much for your kind words and for your continued support.